University of Alberta Faculty of Law Blog

SNL does Obama

Law Firm Bonuses

It is law firm bonus season in the US. While many are expecting bonus levels to be much lower than prior years, no one expected them to be this ridiculous.

Cartman or Walken

Who does a better job of covering Lady Gaga's Poker Face - South Park's Cartman or Christopher Walken? Listen and vote over at Josh Blackman 's blog. 

Also if you are an academic on the job market this year, here are some questions you 'should' ask the recruiting committee. OK - maybe only ask after you have one job in the bag.

Non Sequitur

Today's 'Non Sequitur' cartoon:

Feel the Pain!

In addition to the Free Speech Constitutional grounds for protecting swearing (actually the status of swearing as constitutionally protected speech is not necessarily that clear), there is now a new reason to protect it: it reduces pain! So imagine the next time a client is charged with disorderly conduct, you could invoke the constitutional right to be free from pain defense.

SCOTUS says no to Shakespeare

The US Supreme Court has ruled in a landmark case that Shakespeare did not author his works and that damages should be awarded to the Earl of Oxford. Ok not quite that last bit about damages (and no this is not a headline from the Onion), but most of the Justices seem to follow the Oxfordian theory of Shakespeare, which according to the English profession, is akin to being a member of the flat earth society!

CPLED holding you back?

Some of my former students have had issues with their bar courses and modules. Perhaps they should give this lady a call:

Are You A Lawyer? Probably Not. - watch more funny videos

(h/t Above the Law)

Zealous Advocacy?

The New York Daily News is reporting that a lawyer for a notorious Guyanese gangster has been charged with conspiring to tamper with a witness. New York City lawyer Robert Simels (famous for representing, among others, Goodfellas' Henry Hill and the NY Jets' Mark Gastineau) was allegedly caught on a wiretap discussing the possibility of eliminating a witness through bribes or violence. As Simels' own lawyer put it, this was "nothing more than a lawful effort to vigorously defend his client."

Dark Knight is Dark

We interrup the not-so continuous legal content on this blog to bring this vulgar profanity laced tirade by Christian Bale! (h/t Drudge) The culture of entitlement is unbelievable. After all, do I go off on students who walk in late to my class. Wait a second, that hasn't happened yet. Ok - never mind.

Bear Steals Honey!

A bear that was stealing commercially produced honey was relocated to have access to other berries and to be away from the honey.  Needless to say, conservatives were outraged at the lax sentence the bear received.  Jim "lock-em-all-up" Bearhater, president of the get-tough-on-crime action group, decried the turn-style system of justice that lets criminals loose back into the wilderness. "The bear should serve time and not be rewarded for its brazen behavior." Meanwhile, bear sociologist and criminologist Mike "all we need is to give peace a chance" Bearlover stated that the bear clearly had learnt its lesson and should not be punished. Society has an obligation to see that the root cause of bear thievery be addressed.

Meanwhile up here in Canada, where a fierce and tight election is raging, the candidates were quick to take a position on the story. An unnamed conservative candidate stated that this was an example of the justice system being out of hand, and the solution was to appoint judges who applied the law as written. Meanwhile an unnamed liberal candidate blamed the Harper government for failure to tackle global warming. Were it not for the loss of habitat caused by Alberta's oilsands, the liberal candidate claimed, the bears would have found their food away from the commercial honey.  A Green Party candidate accused the liberal candidate of stealing her line. Meanwhile the NDP candidate called for a comprehensive bill of rights for bears, and blamed the commericalization of honey growing. The re-located bear has also launced a human rights complaint, but it was dismissed, because he was not a human. He has vowed to appeal.

No Values Voters

TW at the Western Standard's Shotgun Blog posted this video from The Onion:

'No Values Voters' Looking To Support Most Evil Candidate

Chris Rock and Steven Wright

I saw this clip the other day on tv (warning: some foul language):

Obama's Foreign Policy

The International Herald Tribune has this headline "Cast of 300 advises Obama on foreign policy", which has been picked up by many other websites including drudge.  When I first read that, I immediately assumed that the cast of the movie 300 were advising Obama on foreign policy. I thought, wow, he really is sophisticated using live actors who had to endure the oppression of Xerxes and had to deal with traitors in their midst etc. Alas, I then realized that the headline only meant that there were 300 advisors who were actively helping him out on foreign policy. I have an idea - why don't we send the 300 advsiors to Iraq, Iran, Afganistan, and wherever else there is conflict and maybe they can stand up to forces of evil. Heck, we have the cast of 300 - maybe they can give some them some tips.

Birds of feather ...

What happens when two people randomly meet in a coffee shop and find out they are lost soulmates?

Perfect Strangers Meet At Coffee Shop - Watch more free videos

Ronald Reagan Roast

Professor Bainbridge posted Don Rickles' roast of Ronald Reagan, which got me to post this collection of the Reagan roasts plus some roasts by Reagan:

1. Don Rickles of Reagan:

2. Jonathan Winters of Reagan:

3. Reagan of George Burns:

4. Reagan of Frank Sinatra:

Politics Explained

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

(Source: Steve Jackson)

My new haircut - Ron Paul Verson

For those of you familiar with the "My New Haircut" video, the Ron Paul spoof is quite funny. For those of you who haven't watched the original one, here is the original "My New Haircut" (warning: lots of foul and vulgar language):

Here is the Ron Paul version (warning: lots of foul and vulgar language):

metal detectors catch everything

I always wondered whether they catch these - apparently they do (via drudge).

Gangsta Elmo

What happens when Elmo is on crack? Why it starts threatening your baby's life, of course!

Pimped out?

MSNBC reporter David Shuster was trying to make the comment that the Hillary Clinton was serving up Chelsea as a recruiter for the super-delegates for the upcoming Democratic nomination. His choice of words was "pimped out", which many in the Hillary camp took offense to and forced him to apologize. Is the term "pimped out" really that offensive or were the Clinton camp trying to score points against MSNBC and score points with FoxNews instead, the all powerful media outlet as evinced by her sucking up in the story!

Me thinks the latter. After all, everytime I wear a jacket and my Lister Hall students see me, they proclaim that I am "pimped out". Should I be taking offense?

Here David Shuster's initial statement and apology.

And if the Hillary camp wanted something offensive about Hillary, they shouldn't watch these Young Turks: